"All is fair in
Love and Peace "
Written By: Keiran
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or its characters...
Shame about that.
Pairings: 1+2, 3+4, 5+S, minor 6+9
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Mildly romantic, fluff. Or was it sap?
Humorous. Heero has issues.
Summary: Sequel to All is Fair In Love and War
"All is fair in Love and Peace
"
The
sun was shining as if it was mad, and not just mad – stark
raving bonkers dance-naked-on-top-of-the-table-at-a-UESN-conference
kind of mad. The day was beautiful, the kind of a day you only get
when something is seriously amiss. However, for the time being, everything
seemed to be perfect.
Heero opened his eyes and immediately started to frown. Something
was definitely not right! This… feeling he had; something totally
new and alien to him. So alien, in fact, that he couldn't find the
right name to describe it. Heero analyzed his state carefully. He
was warm, check. He was content, check. He was relaxed, check. He
was sleepy, check.
There was only one conclusion. Heero remembered a book he once saw
someone reading, and in it was the Word. Drowsy. Heero was drowsy.
But being drowsy was not something that happened to him often – in
fact he should never be drowsy. Drowsiness was unbecoming of a Perfect
Soldier!
But before Heero could schedule himself for some serious retraining
sessions in the gym, something equally warm and soft stirred next
to him.
“Would you please stop thinking? Your brainwaves are disturbing my
beauty sleep,” someone groused. The voice made Heero remember finally.
He was in bed with his newly married husband. It was the morning after
their wedding night, and they’d been married for precisely 17 hours
and 23 minutes according to the bedside clock. “Hubby?” Heero blinked.
“Hn?”
“Well, you’re my hubby now, right?” Heero’s…
mind perked at the innocently posed question. Yes, he was a ‘hubby’
all right. And that meant he had the right to execute his marital
privileges.
That meant no sneaking out of bed for Duo.
Duo’s mind quickly classified the looks running like mad ducks through
Heero’s face. He had a feeling that whatever they chose to
attack wouldn’t be able to walk straight for a month; therefore he
chose a tactic retreat. Unfortunately, ever since they started living
together they could no longer really mask their thoughts from each
other like they used to do in the war. Which was
why Duo was almost immediately pushed back onto the bed with a slight
yelp and smothered with wet kisses.
“Oh crap,” Duo moaned once his mouth was finally free. “I knew there
was a reason you should stay celibate. I’ll kill Relena
for setting me up!”
“Could you please not mention any girls in bed? Especially
pink girls?”
“Is there any chance that if I say it again I might escape
walking?” Heero pondered the question carefully straddling
Duo’s hips at the same time.
“No,” he answered finally. “But I’m sure we could order you a wheelchair.”
“That’s assuming I’ll be able to sit, you mean,” Duo groused. But
at the same time an unholy light lit in the depths of his eyes. “Say,
Hee-baby. It occurs to me that your
ass doesn’t ache yet.” Heero barely had time to grunt before he was
flipped over and pinned rather effectively. “And since I was so cooperative
yesterday, it would happen to be my turn today, hmm?” The dark-haired
man frowned, while his counterpart started pressing tiny kisses wherever
he could reach, slowly but surely working Heero into a frenzy. In other words, even if the Perfect Soldier had something
other than sex on his mind, it chose to leave a message and disappear.
“No,” he was perfectly able to back his refusal with plenty of proof
that Duo should be the submissive party here (Heero might allow himself
to be dominated once in a while, but definitely not first thing in
the morning), however he did not take Duo’s persuasiveness into account.
Let’s face it – his chances of persuading Duo to do something he didn’t
want at the moment were almost as big as the chances of a single OZ
soldier kicking Wing’s butt wearing nothing more than a pink lace
teddy. Which was why Heero greeted the new morning
on his hands and knees, panting for all he was worth.
Moments later Duo collapsed next to him equally spent.
“Was I okay?” he asked anxiously, reaching out to touch Heero’s
face. Heero glared and pounced.
“We are so not doing that anytime soon!” he growled. But before he
could say anything else, Duo’s bottom lips started to quiver and a
hint of tears appeared in his huge eyes. Heero’s
resolve crumbled like a military base under Wing’s beam cannon. Duo
sniffled. Which was why Heero spent the rest of
his morning trying to make his longtime partner stop feeling guilty.
The making up consisted largely of a huge whirlpool bath, early breakfast
delivered to the room, and of course no small amount of making out.
Around midday, they finally chose to leave their room and went in
search of their fellow victi… that is fellow
newlyweds. As it turned out, they ran into Quatre,
who was just taking the turn to knock on their door. The whole party
(the newlyweds, Relena, Dorothy, Milliardo and Noin, who wouldn’t miss it for the world) settled itself comfortably
on every available surface in the sunny saloon connected to Heero’s and Duo’s suite. They called for coffee and tea to
be delivered, along with freshly baked cookies.
Heero took his place calmly and prepared to sit for as long as the
meeting would last, never dropping the smug expression off
his face. After all, it’s not everyday that your day starts with having
the first out of a long list of your sexual fantasies fulfilled. He
was so enraptured in his smugness that it took him a while to notice
that Duo and Quatre brought a laptop into the room and were in the process of discussing something earnestly. That
didn’t sit well with the Perfect Soldier. Duo was talking to Quatre, which meant he wasn’t talking at him, which meant,
he was being neglected.
On the other hand, Heero thought, shifting uncomfortably on the couch,
being neglected couldn’t necessarily be that bad. Looking back at
the first hand, however…
“Duo,” he said gruffly. “What are you doing?”
“Typing,” Duo replied, not even raising his head. Wufei
snorted and walked over. Ignoring Quatre,
who seemed slightly panicked, he glanced over Duo’s shoulder. Good
thing Quatre had been prepared and brought a pack of Kleenex with
him, or the precious carpet would have been ruined. As it was, Wufei only managed to gain the attention of the whole room.
“Maxwell!” he shrieked. “What are you doing?” Which,
for the rest of the people gathered, meant that Duo did something
of particular interest to everyone. Considering that he had
Quatre at his side… The results could amuse
millions for ages. Heero took Wufei’s exclamation as his cue to inspect what was going on.
It seemed like Duo was filling a report on their wedding night. Or two actually, since he obviously was typing one for Quatre as well. Naturally, chaos ensued.
After nearly ten minutes of screaming/grunting/ranting/laughing madly
some semblance of order was returned. Milliardo
was lying on the couch chortling, since he had no strength for normal
laughter left. In the meantime, both Duo and Quatre
were pulled away from the computer and securely positioned on the
couch. Dorothy and Relena took it upon themselves to investigate just why juicy
descriptions of wedding nights were about to be shipped into the net
by reviewing said descriptions, with rather eager expressions on both
their faces.
Meanwhile, Duo found himself subject to serious interrogating stares.
“Why are you all accusing me? You didn’t want to tell me anything,
nobody wanted to tell me anything, so we naturally turned to alternative
sources!”
“What sources?”
“Well, I’m sure you realize that porn takes up about 80% of the internet?
Including mailing lists?” Duo answered easily. Quatre’s
face meanwhile was going through a wide spectrum of varying shades
of red. “So we signed up for one and asked for information,” he started
to explain easily. “You have no idea how educated girls are when it
comes to being a gay man. I mean, honestly, half the things they told
us couldn’t be found in any scientific book. Or
anatomy atlas, for that matter. Or even on a can of whipped
cream. People have funny hobbies, you know. So, we were asking for
general information and this chick kindly sent us to a website, and
told us to read. Boy was that educational!” Duo shot a thoughtful
glance at Quatre. He leaned over rapidly and whispered something into
the blonde’s ear. Quatre’s face immediately
took on a nice Bordeaux year A.C. 150 shade. Duo sat back satisfied
with his demonstration. “So, even Quat turned
this shade of red, so as you can imagine the site was pretty informative.
I considered briefly calling Wu-boy, but that would be too much even
for him. I mean, even Quatre blushed. You’d think that with his complexion
and total angelic look Quat would blush
every time someone said the word ‘sex,’ but no, even I don’t have
a stash as big as he does when it comes to dirty publications.”
For a long moment the group of people was just wheezing on the couch,
due to lack of air.
Heero contemplated tying his cheerful husband up and carrying him
off to their bedroom (Fantasies no. 1.1 down to 1.3 reared their rather
becoming heads). One would think Duo had nothing better to do with
his tongue sometimes. He shot a glance at Trowa.
‘Well,’ he thought ‘Duo has a knack for causing odder things to happen.’
The brown-haired clown, that no one with a sane mind would hire to
do clown work, was snickering.
The world was a strange place indeed.
When everyone was finally under some semblance of control the discussion
progressed. Milliardo mentally patted himself
on the back for installing video cameras in the sitting room. Just
as a side-note – his mental back started to hurt a lot since he got
to meet Duo properly.
***
Three days later, everyone was seriously fed up with living in the
huge hotel. There were journalists stalking their every move, either
trying to get pictures of the couples in compromising positions or
trying to attempt an interview. ‘Trying’ being the keyword.
The above was the main reason why Duo chose to welcome the day of
their departure hidden in Relena’s and Dorothy’s
room.
“He’s, like, bent on trying to actually give them the damn
photos!” he pouted into a pillow. He was sprawled on Dorothy’s bed,
face down, pressing his face against one of the fluffy white pillows.
“Oh come on! It can’t actually be that bad?” Dorothy said, polishing
Relena’s nails calmly. “He’s just excited.”
“Excited my ass,” Duo grumbled.
“Well, from what you’ve been telling us he is pretty excited about
your… ass, as you kindly revealed,” she pointed out, carefully hoisting
a small bottle of pearly pink nail polish in one hand.
“That’s not the point!”
“Well, actually, I assume it is the bottom,” Dorothy said calmly,
looking at her female friend’s ring finer critically. “I think you
should get a ring Relena. Nothing overly big, a golden ring
with a moonstone. It would make you look more distinguished.”
Meanwhile Duo choked.
“I resent that implication! Do I have to screw Heero on national television
to convince everybody I ain’t a lady!?”
“Interesting idea. We might start the rehearsals
now.”
Duo eeped and fell off the bed. Dorothy
smirked while Relena fished in her handbag
(very carefully, of course. She wouldn’t want Dorothy’s hard work
go to waste) for a camera, while Heero threw a protesting Duo over
his shoulder and marched from the room.
“Do you think we should save him?” Relena
asked anxiously, blowing at her nails. She exchanged a look with the
other blonde.
“Nah,” they said simultaneously.
Meanwhile, Duo was carried into the bedroom and handcuffed to the
bedpost. He rolled his eyes.
“Heero, have you tried consulting a professional?” Heero paused in
his work of removing his husband’s shirt. His expression simply screamed
‘why should I?’ Duo sighed and shook his head. “You’re a nymphomaniac,
did you know that? I know that theoretically it isn’t too bad, but
many serious mental problems stem from uncured nymphomania for one.
Like, you could turn into a necrophiliac or something.” Heero paused again to consider.
He furrowed his brow angrily.
“Has someone been threatening you?”
“Pedophile?”
“You are over the age of consent.”
“Zoophile?”
“As far as I know G didn’t try to incorporate any foreign genes in
you.”
“While J was feeding you Viagra, you meeeeeee…?”
the rest of the sentence died in a hearty moan.
***
The evening found Duo sitting on a stone bench with his bag at his
feet, finishing his braid. Sally and Wufei
watched him with a small dose of amusement.
“You just have to do something, Sally! That guy is a nymphomaniac!
He’s gonna kill me, and you never know what’s going to set him
off! I’m seriously considering investing in a chastity belt, or else
we’ll both be unqualified for desk jobs I fear,” the boy ranted. “Honestly,
isn’t there a limit?” he paused shortly. “But enough
about me. I see Wufei isn’t bleeding
anymore? Or did he bleed to death last night and this is just a clever
impersonator? If it is, he is way too silent.”
“No, this is the real Wufei,” Sally answered,
smirking. “He isn’t talking because he is mad about being locked in
a closet for the night. The impersonator is now packing; he is a little
bit tired after yesterday.” Wufei spluttered.
“Woman!”
“What? Do you honestly expect me to believe that it was you who mhpf!” A slender, bronzed hand stopped further comments from
the young doctor’s mouth. Duo was laughing so hard tears almost fell
from his eyes. Of course, being laughed at didn’t sit well with Wufei;
it was only natural that a fight ensued. Since the Chinese man knew
better than to pick verbal fights with his long-haired friend, he
chose to pounce instead. The pair landed with Duo’s back on the soft
grass.
“Ha! That will teach you!” the black-haired youth exclaimed victoriously,
straddling the other’s hips and pressing his hands to the ground.
“Wufei, I hope you do realize that your
position is somewhat compromising, and if you don’t get off soon,
it’s going to be all over the news tomorrow?”
“Wufei, I hope you do realize that your
position is somewhat compromising, and Heero would make a pulp out
of you if he ever sees us?” Sally and Duo said in turn.
“Hn,” was Wufei’s only comment. Duo started
laughing again. The Chinese boy frowned and crossed his arms at his
chest. “This is no laughing matter, Maxwell!”
“Oh, I know Fei, but you just soooo
reminded me of Hee-baby!”
“Wufei, I hope you do realize that your
position is somewhat compromising, and Heero would make a pulp out
of you if he ever sees you like this?” another voice joined the party.
It turned out to be Quatre, who was dragging his husband behind him.
“That’s what I told him, but he wouldn’t listen,” Duo sighed. He was
still sprawled beneath Wufei.
“Well, you should have thought about it before you started teasing
me!” the black-haired boy shot back.
“Chang…” Suddenly the temperature in the clearing fell. Silence reigned;
one that you could cut with a knife. “I will kill you!”
Wufei scrambled up immediately. He could
do many things, but facing an angry Yuy
was not one of them. And Duo didn’t seem eager to save his hide this
time.
It probably would have resulted in bloodshed, if Relena
hadn’t appeared unexpectedly.
“I’m sure you’re all having a great time here, but may I remind you
that you are scheduled for the grand leaving in just twenty minutes!?
Everybody will be waiting for you! There are pictures to be
made and all! So I suggest you move it!”
Everyone present looked at each other. “Chill out,
your majesty,” Duo suggested. “We’ll make it. And
the less publicity, the better.”
“This is all about publicity! Need I remind you?!”
“The kind of publicity they’re after, they can find at the closest
video rental! Do I look like a porn star to you?”
“Well, I don’t know. You didn’t allow for the security cameras to
be installed in the suite,” Relena shot
back. Everybody present gaped.
“I did have a feeling you were spending way too much time with Dorothy,”
Duo managed between gasps. “And look – I was right. Am I psychic or
something?” Wufei used the momentarily distraction to cautiously retreat
behind his wife. Yuy wouldn’t try to harm
a woman, would he? Heero’s face meanwhile
got a strange expression. The long-haired boy took one look at it
and positively jumped at Relena. “Never ever use or encourage any conversation
that has any sexual connotations around him ever
again!” With that said he bolted.
Virtually everyone looked first at the retreating braid then at Heero,
their brows raised. Said Perfect Soldier looked in a rather predatory
manner after the rapidly disappearing rope of hair. He moved to follow
when he felt the eyes of the group focused on him. He glared around.
“Hn,” he said glaring. Suddenly, for all present, the trees surrounding
the clearing started looking extremely interesting. Fortunately, for
Duo’s walking capabilities, they indeed needed to leave the hotel
almost immediately. It was the only reason the Braided Wonder made
it to the main hall of the hotel on his own two legs.
The Grand Leaving, to the great surprise (and possible disappointment
of some) went relatively smoothly. The press got their photos, the
peace got its supporting material and Heero got his French kiss when
nobody was looking. Or at least that’s what he believed – that particular
picture was later sold for an obscene amount of credits and made it
to the Hall of Famous Kisses. After gracing the covers of a few widely known magazines. Duo’s
somewhat dishevelled suit started a whole new round of gossip as well.
The limos were waiting and as soon as the reporters were persuaded
to move a little, Heero gratefully ducked into the rich interior,
surprisingly not pulling Duo behind him. His husband entered the car
a few seconds later, waving cheerfully at the crowds. Upon entering
he sat with a soft ‘whooshing’ sound.
“Boy is this whole press annoying!”
Heero hned. Duo
blinked in surprise. They were over the ignore-me-while-hning
part already. “Hee-baby?” he asked uncertainly.
Heero hned again. Duo crawled on
his hands and knees, pressing his nose to Heero’s
cheek. “What’s wrong Hee-baby? Ro?
Hee-hubby?”
Heero turned his head. For few moments they stared into each other’s
eyes.
“You’ve been avoiding me,” the blue-eyed man said finally, his voice
monotone. Duo sat back on his heels.
“Aw, did you feel unwanted? Come here Hee-baby,
let’s snuggle,” he said opening his arms.
“Hn. You don’t have to pretend just to be
nice,” the Perfect Soldier answered, turning his head. The braided
boy’s brows furrowed.
“I wanna snuggle!” Heero looked up and froze.
“Sure, whatever you want,” he answered quickly, pulling the violet-eyed
boy onto his lap. Duo sighed blissfully and scooted even closer. Then
he frowned.
“Ah. Heero, you really suck at hugging, you know,” he said, tugging
his hair from under his body. He looked up to see the blue-eyed boy’s
devastated expression. Or at least as close to devastated
as it could get. “Aw, don’t be sad! You’re one hell of a huggee
instead!” he punctuated his statement by throwing his arms around
Heero’s chest and hugging him for all he was worth. Heero
felt slightly better. He was a private hugging post. That had to be
good, right? He tightened his arms around the slim torso, clutching
the brown rope of hair tightly in his hand.
“You are mine,” he whispered into the ear right beside his mouth.
“Only mine.” Quite by accident his eyes fell onto the glassy
window, separating them from the driver.
~A List of Fantasies A.C. 196; Paragraph 1: General Directives~
1. Take Duo. Again and again
and again and again… Make him beg and scream and beg and whimper
and beg and moan and beg and cry and… was a ‘beg’ already mentioned?
2. Get Duo to take me. Specification: Once,
maybe twice, tops. Put a ‘check’ next to it. Never mention it again.
Kill everyone who does.
Sub-directives to Paragraph 1, point 1:
1. Have Duo tied up;
2. Have Duo covered in whipped-cream;
3. Have Duo covered in chocolate;
4. Have Duo covered in chocolate and
whipped cream;
5. Have Duo in a shower (check, A.C. 198);
6. Have Duo after a shower (check, A.C. 198);
7. Have Duo in a bathtub (check, A.C. 198);
8. Have Duo on the floor (almost check – got
the tables turned on me, A.C. 198);
9. Have Duo on a tree; have Duo in a car;
have Duo on a car; have Duo in a limo;
10. Have Duo on a bike;
11. And so on and so forth.
Sub-directive to Paragraph 1, point 2 (added A.C. 198):
The ‘Specification’ is hereby deleted.
~End of the List~
“Don’t you dare to even think about it,” Heero heard a muffled voice
from the general direction of his chest. He didn’t degrade himself
to blinking – his eyelids merely fluttered, a little faster than normal.
“I know what you’re thinking, and you can forget it,” the same voice
continued.
“The airport is fifteen more minutes from here!”
“Yes, but Relena has this limo monitored,
and Dorothy has a TV in hers,” Duo explained sitting up straight and
leaning against the fluffy seat. He opened his eyes and cocked his
head to the side, looking Heero in the eyes. “You know if you just
opened your eyes a little wider and opened your mouth you could almost
pass for a normal human’s rendition of a goldfish.”
“You let them tape the limo?”
“It was either that or the suite. Dorothy can be… uh, persuasive.”
“Apparently.”
It turned out that as they reached the airport the black and gold
limousine with Relena and Dorothy on board
was so interesting that the girls didn’t want to leave it immediately,
and when they finally emerged each was clutching a CD. Duo smacked
himself on the forehead.
***
In the main terminal several dishevelled figures blocked the entrance
to the private jet's passage. They had been camping there since the
previous night, waiting for their chance at getting the best pictures.
And finally it was there! There they were, walking as if their togetherness
wasn’t the to-be-or-not-to-be of the Earth Sphere and the Colonies!
The scary looking brown-haired one and the small
braided boy; the evil blonde and the guy with a weird hairdo; the
justice boy and blonde Pocahontas.
And the Queen of the World with her secretary, but that was yesterday’s
news.
By the time the group got through the small crowd, each of the photographers
had enough photos to tape them together into a movie. Each of them
clutched their video camera and chuckled evilly, doing a pretty good
snake impression (Myy precioussssssss). They stalked
the steps of the newlyweds until a group of security guards was sent
in to restrain them and Heero, who attempted to diplomatically inform
one of the reporters that Duo’s behind was off limits for hands, arms,
legs and eyes. Luckily the man was insured.
Half an hour later, Heero was sitting in the jet provided, heading
for a relatively small cottage somewhere in Europe with Duo’s head
pillowed on his shoulder.
“Heero?” Duo started hesitantly. The blue
eyed man grunted to indicate he was listening. “Did you mean that?”
Duo continued with a tiny, uncertain smile. Heero turned his head.
“What?”
“What you said in the limo. That… I was yours.”
The last words died before they even left the speaker’s mouth. Heero
turned in his seat to look at his husband properly. He took in the
embarrassed blush and hesitation, and… fear? He blew a puff of air,
placed his hands on the sides of Duo’s face and drew him to his own.
“Idiot. I love you,” he whispered.
And they lived their calm, uneventful lives in Peace and Loving Understanding.
Until they went back to work that is.
***The End***
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